CREATING HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS

A guide offers a comprehensive plan for improving communication.

Whether an interaction involves someone’s boss, family member, or friend, communication specialist LeCompte insists that the core issue is always the same: “How can you make sure you don’t end up with another painful relational conflict or loss?” In these pages, the author lays out the blueprint he’s developed from countless sessions with clients, and the central underlying idea is to remind his readers that they’re in control of their own thoughts and responses in any potential conflicts. Every one of those skirmishes, according to LeCompte, will involve a judge, a figure who’s setting the stakes, often wrongly: “It is a psychological fact that our judge always speaks first. He judges before we know it and his judgments are frequently inaccurate and negative.” The only way that most people become aware of the judge element in their interactions is when they realize it has made them angry, an undesirable outcome that could have been avoided. Discovering this point is crucial. As LeCompte puts it, “In this instant, we can become conscious.” This approach makes the author’s prized “conscious communication” possible, in which both parties learn to be more aware of what they’re actually saying and how it connects to what they’re feeling. Several of LeCompte’s contentions will strike some readers as odd (“When we say, ‘I feel abandoned,’ we are really saying, ‘It was your intention to abandon me.’ ‘Abandoned’ is not a feeling”). And many readers may doubt the optimism of his core claim: “Everybody has one hope that you can count on—to help other people get their hopes met. This generosity of spirit is hard-wired in each of us, part of being human.” But his repeated examples of breaking down specific interactions to get at the root of what’s really being said are unfailingly intriguing. They will cause readers to indulge in some bracing thinking about the nuts and bolts of how they talk to people.

An inviting and uplifting call for positivity and empathy in all kinds of communication.