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I NEVER DO THIS

Everyone from casual readers to the staunchest of mystery fans will find something to enjoy in this quick—and...

A young woman held in police custody tells her life story to delay imprisonment in Miller’s novel.

Narrated with a noirish sensibility, the novel follows a 27-year-old woman named LaDene Faye Howell as she recounts the tale of how and why she’s currently in police custody. On August 12 she went on a crime spree with her second cousin, Bobby Frank, who had recently been paroled. Bobby’s section of the family tree is known to sprout criminals. Born and raised in small-town Devola, Ohio, LaDene grew up the youngest of three sisters with an elder brother who died fighting in Afghanistan. Although she emphasizes her seemingly quiet nature in comparison to her troublemaking sisters, over the course of the novel we learn that LaDene became pregnant at the age of 15 by Bernard O’Brien, a senior who’s considerably more well off than the working-class Howell family. LaDene is immediately sent to a hyper-religious boarding school called New Dawn Ministry to ride out the rest of her pregnancy. Most of the novel focuses on this pivotal time and reveals how she eventually hooked up with Bobby. LaDene’s narration is full of personality and flair. Miller has crafted a compelling cast of characters, from LaDene’s churchgoing family to her fellow pregnant classmates at New Dawn Ministry to the overbearing faculty who ruthlessly rule the school. Even the humorous description of the crimes she committed with Bobby is rendered in engaging detail. Overall, this is a slow-burning read that takes a while to heat up as LaDene recalls long stretches of her life. Eventually, however, the novel culminates in a riveting open-ended denouement that leaves LaDene’s fate up in the air.

Everyone from casual readers to the staunchest of mystery fans will find something to enjoy in this quick—and quick-witted—read.

Pub Date: April 16, 2024

ISBN: 9781960573988

Page Count: 216

Publisher: Sibylline Press

Review Posted Online: Jan. 2, 2024

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THE WEDDING PEOPLE

Uneven but fitfully amusing.

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  • New York Times Bestseller

Betrayed by her husband, a severely depressed young woman gets drawn into the over-the-top festivities at a lavish wedding.

Phoebe Stone, who teaches English literature at a St. Louis college, is plotting her own demise. Her husband, Matt, has left her for another woman, and Phoebe is taking it hard. Indeed, she's determined just where and how she will end it all: at an oceanfront hotel in Newport, where she will lie on a king-sized canopy bed and take a bottle of her cat’s painkillers. At the hotel, Phoebe meets bride-to-be Lila, a headstrong rich girl presiding over her own extravagant six-day wedding celebration. Lila thought she had booked every room in the hotel, and learning of Phoebe's suicidal intentions, she forbids this stray guest from disrupting the nuptials: “No. You definitely can’t kill yourself. This is my wedding week.” After the punchy opening, a grim flashback to the meltdown of Phoebe's marriage temporarily darkens the mood, but things pick up when spoiled Lila interrupts Phoebe's preparations and sweeps her up in the wedding juggernaut. The slide from earnest drama to broad farce is somewhat jarring, but from this point on, Espach crafts an enjoyable—if overstuffed—comedy of manners. When the original maid of honor drops out, Phoebe is persuaded, against her better judgment, to take her place. There’s some fun to be had here: The wedding party—including groom-to-be Gary, a widower, and his 11-year-old daughter—takes surfing lessons; the women in the group have a session with a Sex Woman. But it all goes on too long, and the humor can seem forced, reaching a low point when someone has sex with the vintage wedding car (you don’t want to know the details). Later, when two characters have a meet-cute in a hot tub, readers will guess exactly how the marriage plot resolves.

Uneven but fitfully amusing.

Pub Date: July 30, 2024

ISBN: 9781250899576

Page Count: 384

Publisher: Henry Holt

Review Posted Online: Sept. 13, 2024

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THE ALCHEMIST

Coelho's placebo has racked up impressive sales in Brazil and Europe. Americans should flock to it like gulls.

Coelho is a Brazilian writer with four books to his credit. Following Diary of a Magus (1992—not reviewed) came this book, published in Brazil in 1988: it's an interdenominational, transcendental, inspirational fable—in other words, a bag of wind. 

 The story is about a youth empowered to follow his dream. Santiago is an Andalusian shepherd boy who learns through a dream of a treasure in the Egyptian pyramids. An old man, the king of Salem, the first of various spiritual guides, tells the boy that he has discovered his destiny: "to realize one's destiny is a person's only real obligation." So Santiago sells his sheep, sails to Tangier, is tricked out of his money, regains it through hard work, crosses the desert with a caravan, stops at an oasis long enough to fall in love, escapes from warring tribesmen by performing a miracle, reaches the pyramids, and eventually gets both the gold and the girl. Along the way he meets an Englishman who describes the Soul of the World; the desert woman Fatima, who teaches him the Language of the World; and an alchemist who says, "Listen to your heart" A message clings like ivy to every encounter; everyone, but everyone, has to put in their two cents' worth, from the crystal merchant to the camel driver ("concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man"). The absence of characterization and overall blandness suggest authorship by a committee of self-improvement pundits—a far cry from Saint- Exupery's The Little Prince: that flagship of the genre was a genuine charmer because it clearly derived from a quirky, individual sensibility. 

 Coelho's placebo has racked up impressive sales in Brazil and Europe. Americans should flock to it like gulls.

Pub Date: July 1, 1993

ISBN: 0-06-250217-4

Page Count: 192

Publisher: N/A

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: May 1, 1993

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