MEN HAVE CALLED HER CRAZY

A chronicle of a woman’s life upended by severe depression and anxiety after a difficult childhood.

In her unreserved memoir, artist Tendler exposes her consistent struggle with depression and self-harm since she was a teenager. In early 2021, at age 35, after decades of severe anxiety and depressive behavior successfully managed by medication, the author’s self-injury tendencies, disordered eating, and suicidal ideation resurfaced. Following her therapist’s advice, she checked herself into a “full-blown psychiatric hospital,” covered in self-inflicted scissor cuts. Seeking out the source of her mental illness, Tendler reflects on her childhood, when she struggled socially and was bullied in grade school. She also tolerated volatile, incompatible parents who “toughed-out” her illnesses with homeopathic remedies, only resorting to conventional medicine after her raging infections became unbearable. Craving love and validation, Tendler dated boys (and a series of older men) “who would pay attention to me.” Her coping mechanisms were cutting and her dog, Petunia. The author writes candidly of her adult years prior to her breakdown when she attended graduate school for fashion, until the mandatory solitude of the Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated an already simmering depression. The author concludes with a psychiatric dual diagnosis, though Tendler contends that some of the source of her rage and depression has been her complicated relationships with men. The author’s calm, affable narration belies the seriousness of her condition, and the striking detail she provides offers readers a clear sense of the rigorous inpatient psychotherapy process meant to disarm anxiety and return a sense of normalcy. While Tendler admits that her condition is a lifelong struggle, the book ends on a hopeful note, with the author on the path to maintaining a happy, structured life. She does not elaborate on her former marriage to comedian John Mulaney.

An intensive, conversational portrait of one woman’s battle with mental illness.