WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY I'M AUTISTIC

An autistic woman explains how her condition shapes her world in Kotowicz’s nonfiction debut.

The author blends autobiography and health reporting as she describes her own experience with autism and offers a perspective on how neurotypical people can best interact with, support, and love the autistic people in their lives. Kotowicz, who received her diagnosis as an adult, explains how she came to understand that she experienced sensations, processed thoughts, and managed her physical and emotional needs differently from the nonautistic people around her. The book addresses theories of autism, common misunderstandings of autistic behavior, and strategies for both autistic and neurotypical people to use to improve their interactions. The concluding chapter is optimistic, focusing on the ways in which the author has embraced her neurological differences, framing them as core aspects of her identity rather than problems to be fixed. Although the chapter subtitles (“How I Take It All In,” “How I Reach a Tipping Point,” “How My Heart Is Healing”) make it clear that Kotowicz’s individual experience forms this well-told and compelling narrative’s core, she describes situations and experiences that are common among people with autism. The book’s dual nature, functioning as both personal history and informational guide, works well, universalizing an individual story while also focusing on the unique details. The author does an excellent job of discussing autism without pathologizing it. Kotowicz is particularly skilled at breaking down her experiences into their fundamental elements and discussing underlying causes, as when she explains that she was able to manage a sensitivity to rain by understanding that, although raindrops caused her no harm, the pain they produced was a valid feeling that she could only process once she acknowledged its existence. The book makes a solid case for developing a global sense of empathy: “Be mindful that someone’s internal state may be different than you expect, and different than you’d feel if you were acting like them.”

An authentic, engaging, and informative look at an autistic woman’s inner world.