I WANT TO DIE BUT I STILL WANT TO EAT TTEOKBOKKI

In her distinctive voice, a noted South Korean author explores the roots of her mental illness and struggles toward a healthier life.

Baek Sehee’s I Want To Die But I Want To Eat Tteokbokki was a hit in her home country, and the English translation, which appeared in 2022, also found a broad readership. This sequel follows the same pattern of short essays interspersed with discussions with her psychiatrist. Despite having made progress in her mental health journey, the author continues to struggle with her persistent, draining depression. Through discussions with her therapist, she continues to delve into her childhood and teenage years, examining the body issues that made her overly sensitive to criticism and planted seeds of self-loathing and self-pity. Baek chronicles how she went through long periods of avoiding contact with people and drank too much. In the most distressing section of the book, she writes about falling into a powerful spiral of depression, which led to incidents of self-harm and thoughts of suicide. Some readers might find these passages disturbing, and Baek suggests that if that is the case, they should simply put the book aside for a while (which sounds like good advice). As her therapy has progressed, the author has gradually come to terms with the difficult parts of her past and learned how to put them into perspective. Healing, she realizes, is a slow but necessary process, and sharing is a part of it. “I’ve come this far in my writing in the belief that what may be a tedious tale to some will be a story of hope for others,” she concludes. “I am grateful to those who have read this account of an unexceptional person because our dark stories are similar.”

Baek’s journey through the dark forest of depression is sometimes painful but ultimately revelatory and inspiring.