LIFE B

A well-known book critic’s account of dealing with double depression and a family history plagued by mental illness.

For as long as she could remember, Patrick, author of The Books That Changed My Life, knew only “bad days, bad days, bad days, and some worse days.” Girlhood sadness gave way to a darker “permanent haze” in adolescence, which only increased her feelings of alienation. Despite her anguish, however, Patrick managed to lead an apparently successful life that included college, marriage to a caring man, and an editorial career. Even so, her mental health struggles intensified to the point that suicidal ideation became “normal.” It was not until her early 50s that she was correctly diagnosed with a combination of persistent depressive disorder and major depressive disorder. As she grappled with her past, Patrick came to understand that her depression was genetic (inherited from two mentally ill grandmothers) and perhaps also epigenetic (caused by inherited memories of transgenerational alcoholism and abuse). The author also realized that her suffering had been mitigated by the consistent presence of “genuine love and affection.” Yoga, the correct medication, and the courage to repair depression-damaged relationships with her daughters had also allowed her to find the wellness that eluded other family members. Her sister, for example, has lived with symptoms of bipolar syndrome and borderline personality disorder. This has made interactions difficult, but ultimately, a unique kind of love has prevailed. “That love may not look like love to someone who thinks all siblings should be close, or that all siblings should just leave each other alone save for holiday greeting cards,” writes the author. “It’s love nonetheless. It’s a bending, stretching kind of love, a love that adapts to circumstance and needs.” Though the prose is pedestrian and often repetitive, Patrick offers valuable insight into what it means to live with a debilitating mental illness.

A flawed yet candid and heartfelt memoir.