THE URGENT LIFE

A successful marketing executive’s account of how her estranged husband’s terminal cancer diagnosis brought them together again and taught her to “live every day of my life with urgency.”

As Saint John shows, she and her husband, Peter, were very different people. She was the American daughter of middle-class Ghanaian immigrants who had settled in Colorado; he was the son of working-class Italian Americans from Massachusetts. Even though she longed for a “Black Prince Charming,” she fell head over heels in love with Peter, who had no Black friends but had “a profound interest in the African American experience.” Together, they faced considerable opposition from Saint John’s father and from Peter’s family, who treated her like she was a mere “passing fancy.” Even cosmopolitan New York City, the place they called home, failed to provide a safe haven. Rather than be “swept up in that diverse city’s embrace,” they found themselves subjected to hostility from both Black and White strangers. Nonetheless, they overcame the challenges within their families and got married only to come face to face with their own interpersonal differences. As Saint John’s career brought new opportunities, her husband suffocated her and “advised me against following my gut.” After losing their first child during the birthing process, they had a second, seeking to fix a “broken” relationship. They separated and had other relationships until Peter was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a short time to live. Faced with an urgency to “stuff years’ worth of memories” into Peter’s last days, the author came to the realization that his illness and death could serve as lessons in gratitude for the things and people in her life that she had not taken the time to appreciate. Tender and fierce, this book explores loss, interracial love, and the complexity of human emotion with humility, candor, and grace.

An intimately revealing and moving memoir.