SELFLESS

How our interactions with others make us who we are.

Lowery, a social psychologist and Stanford professor, explores how our selfhood is not a stable entity under our own firm control but rather a product of the social worlds we inhabit. “Our self is a construction of relationships and interactions,” he writes, “constrained and yet in search of the feeling of freedom.” Lowery synthesizes a range of scientific research in making his case while punctuating specific claims with examples drawn from ancient and modern literary sources ranging from the Epic of Gilgamesh to Dostoevsky’s Notes From Underground. The author investigates many commonly held assumptions that selfhood is, for the most part, a privately malleable entity originating within us at birth and that absolute liberty in defining it might be both possible and desirable. We know ourselves better and can improve our chances at self-improvement, the author explains convincingly, if we accept that our identities are fluid, socially determined phenomena. Though such arguments are by no means new, and some of the summaries of others’ complex explanations of selfhood may seem a little reductive, the book offers an accessible and absorbing account of the relational dimensions of our reflective being. A particularly rich chapter is dedicated to the relevance of a relational selfhood to race, which has routinely been understood according to fixed or “essentialist” categories. Ultimately, Lowery’s advice about the wisdom of accepting one’s dependence on others, and of fulfilling one’s moral obligations to a community of interconnected selves, is well founded. “To describe or define your best self is to accept limits, constraints on what you are,” he writes. “In this context, constraint should be a source of comfort, more a hug than a straitjacket.”

An informed, thought-provoking consideration of the relational dimensions of our lives.