AYE DO OR DIE
by Candy Calvert
Unruly guests ruin a wedding cruise.
When Darcy Cavanaugh (Dressed to Keel, 2006) and her lesbian coworker Marie agree to serve as her beruffled and poufed bridesmaids, rookie emergency-room RN Patti Ann plops them, along with her soon-to-be husband’s jokester fireman chums, aboard a cruise up the northwest coast. But Darcy and Marie have barely gotten their hairspray spritzed and their polka dots ironed before the mayhem begins. A peanut allergy sickens one reveler, superglue gets another, the wedding planner’s lingerie is stapled together and Darcy is stalked by a foot fetishist named, of course, Dr. Foote. The malice turns deadly when a firefighter is murdered. Complicating matters, Darcy’s ex-boyfriend Sam, also aboard, is about to meet her new love, Luke, an FBI agent rerouted to the boat to investigate. The killer, who evidently has a special fondness for menacing the innocent with staples, seems determined to attack the firefighters for reasons unknown. Can Patti Ann’s wedding be saved? Can Darcy decide between Sam and Luke? All will come clear by the time the ship docks.
A raunchy romp. But once you get past the sexy bits, the plot’s skimpy and the pranks are over the top.