TEMPTED WOMEN

Botwin (Men Who Can't Be Faithful, 1988, etc.) enters the dialogue on female infidelity previously dominated by Dalma Heyn (The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, 1992). On the basis of 250 letters she solicited as part of an office-affair survey, as well as on ``other case histories,'' Botwin claims that ``we are currently living in a world of tempted women''—one in which 40% of wives cheat (Botwin calls this a conservative estimate, despite the finding in a recent National Opinion Research Center survey that only 13% of marriages face infidelity). Moreover, unlike Heyn—who sees most female infidelity in an upbeat light—Botwin believes that unfaithful wives ricochet from bed to bed in a state of unhappiness and confusion: Her text is larded with quotes from letters by cheating wives who underscore the general theme of angst. According to Botwin, studies show that women have affairs for different reasons than men—among them, marital dissatisfaction and a desire for friendship rather than sex (women who work are particularly susceptible). What's more, women apparently feel much more guilt about extramarital relationships than men do. Still, Botwin identifies an emerging group of younger women who behave more like men in affairs—taking the part of the aggressor and feeling perfectly satisfied with an emotionless roll in the hay. But, in the end, Botwin seems to want most unfaithful wives to assess whether their affairs are the ``real thing'' and to contemplate what's gone wrong in their marriages. The author's concluding chapters focus on post-infidelity marital reconciliations—complete with an earnest affirmation that troubled husbands and wives are urged to repeat. Statistics on infidelity are often contradictory, and Botwin selects only those that prove her points. Moreover, her sampling group simply isn't broad enough to reveal much and her advice has a tinny, arbitrary ring. But someone had to contradict Heyn—it's only too bad that it wasn't a writer of greater depth and sagacity. (First serial to Redbook)