NOT MY RUCKUS

In Musick’s debut literary novel, a flustered teenager tries to save her friend and uncover the secrets of her family.

Texas, 1980. Sporty, 14-year-old Lilac has a reputation as a tomboy. She doesn’t have any friends since her old brother stopped hanging out with her, so she happily accepts attention from Esther, a girl across the street, even though Esther’s family “wasn’t our kind of people.” When Esther kisses Lilac on the mouth, Lilac goes along with, not wanting to jeopardize the new friendship. However, that very same day, Esther’s mother is murdered while out shopping with Lilac’s mom. Lilac can tell her mother—a deeply religious and condescending woman—is lying to the police about what happened, but she can’t understand why. Her father, an accountant who dresses as a cowboy to ingratiate himself with the locals, is no help either. Lilac attempts to cover for her friend when Esther acts out following her mother’s death. At the same time, Lilac must contend with the seizures she’s been suffering from as well as with a family secret she discovers. As the story unfolds, a history of abuse, violence, and lies concerning both families emerges, leaving young Lilac struggling just to keep her head above water. Musick’s prose, as narrated by Lilac, is earnest but naïve, reflecting the protagonist’s implicit autism: “Esther had her own secrets, of course. We’d only been best friends for a handful of days, but I felt betrayed anyway. I was surrounded by secrets, drowning in them, and nobody had taught me how to swim this river.” It’s a heartbreaking story, filled with abusive adults and traumatized children, and one cannot help but feel deeply for Lilac and Esther. The subject can be emotionally difficult, but Musick never loses sight of the humanity of his characters. Through the believably brave and endearingly honest Lilac, the author explores issues of religious and sexual trauma, neurodivergence and disability, grief and loneliness.

A sharp, affecting novel of pain and love.