UNDER THE ORANGE BLOSSOMS

A memoir of surviving abuse and finding healing.

Benezra writes about a recurring dream she had in her teens of her father waking her at night when she was a little girl, asking her to be quiet, and taking her to their living room. After that, everything blurred. But after writing about the dream fragments in her journal, she says, she eventually remembered exactly what happened all those years ago: Her father sexually, physically, and emotionally abused her, and she never told anyone about it. The teen found herself dissociating during conversations and contemplating ending her life every day, but she felt a responsibility to protect her mother and younger sister from her father. After she left home and got married, she did her best to give her family a stable life and leave the past behind. But her marriage crumbled due to her husband’s affairs and his inability to deal with their youngest child’s special needs. Around that time, just beforethe author turned 30, her mother died of breast cancer, so Benezra embarked on a journey to heal herself, participating in therapy and confronting her still-living father about his abuse. She also remarried, finding the support and comfort she needed to speak about her past with her new husband. Afterward, she decided to write a book to help other abuse survivors. Over the course of this remembrance, Benezra writes with honesty and openness about her past, describing in detail what it felt like to live with the pain and trauma of abuse even after her father was long gone. The narration moves chronologically, from her teenage years in Spain in the 1970s until the end of her father’s life in Seattle,with vivid glimpses of memories that allow the reader to fully understand and sympathize with the gravity of her situation. The flashbacks also effectively get across the author’s fragmented state of mind as she tried to piece her life together and find a way forward.

A harrowing and heartbreaking but ultimately empowering remembrance.