TOO MUCH

In this debut memoir, a retired United States Army Captain recounts the professional and personal hardships she endured as a military medical resident.

Neighbors started military medical school in Maryland in the 2010s aiming to become an otolaryngologist—an ear, nose, and throat doctor. It was at the school that the author met Paul, an officer who’d served in the infantry before deciding to become an Army physician. The two fell into a relationship that they tried to keep secret, as Paul was married. There were warning signs about Paul that Neighbors willfully ignored, like his then-wife threatening to file assault charges, which ultimately led to his court martial. This was quickly followed by Neighbors losing her dad, Roger, to a terminal disease. After she and the freshly divorced Paul were married, they were assigned to a hospital in Hawaii, Neighbors’ home state. While Paul worried about how his court martial would play out, Neighbors struggled with her ENT residency. Apparently, some people (mostly coworkers) complained that she was rude or too abrasive; her program director even indirectly said she had “resting bitch face.” Continued scrutiny and accusations of behavior problems led to the author being put on probation and seeing a therapist at an outpatient rehab facility. Both her marriage and her mental health were deteriorating, and Neighbors, who suffered from such conditions as anxiety and depression, began abusing a prescription drug. She nevertheless fought to improve her waning health and prove herself as a medical professional, which meant fighting to keep a residency that others seemed determined to end.

The author holds very little back when turning the spotlight on herself. She candidly discusses her ever-changing state of mind, like the growing resentment she had for Paul, or her feeling that doctors and nurses at the hospital had built a conspiracy against her. The hurdles she faced as a resident are dispiriting, as coworkers generally denigrated her “Barbie in the Army” persona (presumably based on her looks) and encouraged her to stay “middle of the road” in lieu of being her best. She likewise felt out of place as a hapa (multiracial) person, as people constantly questioned her ethnicity after learning she was from Hawaii. While Neighbors aptly describes a toxic work environment, her personal life compounded her troubled residency. She had a strained relationship with her mother, who had abandoned her husband and kids for a time and blamed the author for “killing” Roger (she convinced her father to sign a do-not-resuscitate order). Neighbors delves into her own mental health issues, discussing a suicide attempt made when she was a teen as well as various afflictions, medications, and addictions that she doesn’t fully detail until late in the book. Neighbors is unquestionably a skilled writer; she delivers wonderfully concise passages that breezily take readers through years of residency while succinctly clarifying various medical conditions and hospital roles (with a glossary as a bonus addendum).

An uncompromising probe into the medical industry fused with an honest account of mental illness.