THE REQUIREMENT OF GRIEF

In her memoir, Ariano movingly recounts her sister’s difficult life and death.

Ariano writes compassionately about older sister Alexis’ mental illness, which ended with her suicide. Throughout her life, Alexis attempted to end her own life 13 times before finally killing herself when she was 42. Heavily medicated and repeatedly institutionalized, she had regularly cut herself to quell her anxiety and silence the voices in her head. The author loved her big sister, and as a young girl, she copied Alexis in almost every way, including her dress, speech, and, somewhat reluctantly, her drug use. The sisters shared a love of books, and Alexis often read to Ariano at night. As addiction and mental illness took their toll on Alexis’ personality, however, the younger sister was forced to protect herself against the emotional fallout of watching a painful disintegration: “The possibility of suicide hung over us…it was part of the air we breathed and none of us could ever truly relax.” But the boundaries Ariano created also exposed her to Alexis’ accusations of hardheartedness, and the author felt guilty leaving her aging parents to bear the burden of her sister’s worsening mental state. Each time her sister plunged into catastrophe, whether due to addiction, the result of an abusive relationship, or one of the many suicide attempts, Ariano was drawn back into crisis, and she was unable to resist a natural resentment of the constant fear and turmoil her sister’s actions created. Written in clear, vivid language, the book comprises short chapters focusing on key moments in Alexis’ descent into self-destruction and on the ways her life and death affected all who knew and loved her. Ariano is especially insightful in depicting the conflicted and sometimes excruciating family dynamics that result from the presence of someone experiencing intense mental instability over many years. For those who have felt the paradoxical combination of overwhelming grief and quiet relief at the death of a suffering family member, Ariano’s writing may have healing power.

An honest, affecting remembrance of a beloved sister’s descent into self-destruction.