FINAL WARNING

The unethical commercial rollout of a life-threatening cellular communications technology affects a wide spectrum of characters in Drum’s SF novel.

Percival “Piggy” McGuffin, a corpulent and seven-times married “corporate titan” head of cellphone company Universal Cellular (“Piggy sprang from a long line of ruthless, obsessivelycompetitive men”) is about to launch his latest venture, an upgrade to microwave frequencies that promises more profits. Dr. Trish Maypole, one of the company’s research scientists, finds the unleashed radiation is deadly to test animals and, by extension, to all life. Instead of her warning being heeded, she and the rest of her division are fired. Her attempts to alert the (generally idiotic) media lead her to teaming up with a disgruntled obituary writer from Detroit named Joe, who has a volatile temper—but at least he cares. Meanwhile, vainglorious scientist Bruno Crawley proudly possesses the world’s last colony of Pongo River Migrating Ants. His grad-student lab assistant in entomology is Rafter Cadenza, a Jamaican distracted from his antsitting duties by attractive co-eds, specifically a duo of sensual and otherworldly Wiccan women. The action occasionally shifts to a couple of characters who readers later learn resemble Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, a “Prince” and “Princess” on the run in a fantasy realm; their true nature is a fun reveal. Meanwhile, wise, peaceful, and concerned humanoids in a spaceship observe the radiation-imperiled Earth; their true nature is telegraphed rather baldly by the book’s subtitle. The impish author, with his outsized depictions of human foibles (mainly greed, ego, and irresponsibility), may remind some readers of Leonard Wibberly, of The Mouse That Roared (1955) fame, though the book’s ribald sex scenes and more surreal elements (including an alarmed cameo by the writer himself) are closer to the work of Tom Robbins. All of the quick cross-cutting between the ensemble cast builds a neat comic momentum (good thing, as these stereotypes work best in small doses). A short afterword directs readers to study the potential real-life hazards of cellular signals, though very little in the main text belabors serious scientific concerns.

A rambunctious, eco-themed satire fires death-ray volleys at the media and corporate greed.