An earnest and insightful, if wordy, self-help offering.
A veteran psychologist explores why many adults fall into a pattern of unfulfilling, harmful relationships.
Golomb (Trapped in the Mirror, 1995) has been in private practice since 1972, has a doctorate in clinical psychology from New York University, and is certified in psychoanalysis and psychotherapy. In this book, however, the author not only shares her psychological expertise, she also relates her own personal experience: “I loved those who could not love me.” Although she acknowledges established theories that aim to explain the “serial addiction” of bad relationships, she notes that she ultimately found answers by studying her own history, and she encourages readers to do the same. Much of the discussion here focuses on the concepts of the “freezing parent” and “frozen child”—a parent who is icy or even aggressive or abusive, and a child who is, in a sense, paralyzed by this lack of warmth. Adult children, she says, internalize both sides of this equation, falling into situations in which they’re controlled, controlling, or switching between these two modes; however, because of residual childhood confusion and deep-rooted, often unconscious defenses, they’re often unaware of their problems’ origins. This book, importantly, offers readers hope, as it encourages them to recognize patterns, consider psychotherapy, and take initially frightening steps toward seeking healthy, loving relationships. Some of the messages are repetitive, though, offering many iterations of the idea that parent-child relationships shape patterns that “trapped” adults need to recognize. Some of the ideas here are repeated in different chapters using very similar language, and this can be distracting or confusing at times. However, one also gets the sense that some degree of this is intentional, as it’s similar to how therapists reiterate themes in long-term therapy. The book’s use of examples, however, is uneven; the first chapter recounts many specific scenarios in great detail, but later parts of the book are more abstract.
An earnest and insightful, if wordy, self-help offering.Pub Date: Feb. 25, 2016
ISBN: 978-1-4917-6597-5
Page Count: 226
Publisher: iUniverse
Review Posted Online: Oct. 5, 2016
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
BOOK REVIEW
Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our...
A psychologist and Nobel Prize winner summarizes and synthesizes the recent decades of research on intuition and systematic thinking.
The author of several scholarly texts, Kahneman (Emeritus Psychology and Public Affairs/Princeton Univ.) now offers general readers not just the findings of psychological research but also a better understanding of how research questions arise and how scholars systematically frame and answer them. He begins with the distinction between System 1 and System 2 mental operations, the former referring to quick, automatic thought, the latter to more effortful, overt thinking. We rely heavily, writes, on System 1, resorting to the higher-energy System 2 only when we need or want to. Kahneman continually refers to System 2 as “lazy”: We don’t want to think rigorously about something. The author then explores the nuances of our two-system minds, showing how they perform in various situations. Psychological experiments have repeatedly revealed that our intuitions are generally wrong, that our assessments are based on biases and that our System 1 hates doubt and despises ambiguity. Kahneman largely avoids jargon; when he does use some (“heuristics,” for example), he argues that such terms really ought to join our everyday vocabulary. He reviews many fundamental concepts in psychology and statistics (regression to the mean, the narrative fallacy, the optimistic bias), showing how they relate to his overall concerns about how we think and why we make the decisions that we do. Some of the later chapters (dealing with risk-taking and statistics and probabilities) are denser than others (some readers may resent such demands on System 2!), but the passages that deal with the economic and political implications of the research are gripping.
Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our minds.Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011
ISBN: 978-0-374-27563-1
Page Count: 512
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Review Posted Online: Sept. 3, 2011
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2011
BOOK REVIEW
IN THE NEWS
The Stoics did much better with the much shorter Enchiridion.
A follow-on to the author’s garbled but popular 48 Laws of Power, promising that readers will learn how to win friends and influence people, to say nothing of outfoxing all those “toxic types” out in the world.
Greene (Mastery, 2012, etc.) begins with a big sell, averring that his book “is designed to immerse you in all aspects of human behavior and illuminate its root causes.” To gauge by this fat compendium, human behavior is mostly rotten, a presumption that fits with the author’s neo-Machiavellian program of self-validation and eventual strategic supremacy. The author works to formula: First, state a “law,” such as “confront your dark side” or “know your limits,” the latter of which seems pale compared to the Delphic oracle’s “nothing in excess.” Next, elaborate on that law with what might seem to be as plain as day: “Losing contact with reality, we make irrational decisions. That is why our success often does not last.” One imagines there might be other reasons for the evanescence of glory, but there you go. Finally, spin out a long tutelary yarn, seemingly the longer the better, to shore up the truism—in this case, the cometary rise and fall of one-time Disney CEO Michael Eisner, with the warning, “his fate could easily be yours, albeit most likely on a smaller scale,” which ranks right up there with the fortuneteller’s “I sense that someone you know has died" in orders of probability. It’s enough to inspire a new law: Beware of those who spend too much time telling you what you already know, even when it’s dressed up in fresh-sounding terms. “Continually mix the visceral with the analytic” is the language of a consultant’s report, more important-sounding than “go with your gut but use your head, too.”
The Stoics did much better with the much shorter Enchiridion.Pub Date: Oct. 23, 2018
ISBN: 978-0-525-42814-5
Page Count: 580
Publisher: Viking
Review Posted Online: July 30, 2018
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2018
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
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