TO RAISE A BOY

An eye-opening exploration of modern boyhood and how parents can raise their sons to be better men.

The phrase “boys will be boys” is often used to dismiss violent and/or abusive behavior in boys and men. In this insightful, sometimes disturbing book, Washington Post investigative reporter Brown effectively demonstrates how such behavior can be avoided, a process that starts right after birth. Every interaction, relationship, discussion—even choice of toy—can affect the way boys view themselves, each other, and the girls and women around them. After hundreds of interviews with public health officials, parents, teachers, and boys across the country, the author was forced to “reexamine” her thoughts about boyhood. “We have failed boys,” she writes, “and our failure amounts to a public health crisis: they face staggering levels of physical and sexual violence, suicide rates that keep climbing, tight constraints on who and how they can be, and so much shame and fear….We simply have not given boys what they need to build relationships with themselves, with other boys and men, and with girls and women.” The author ranges widely, discussing the effect all-boys schools have on how boys perceive their peers and the opposite sex; the difficulty in understanding sexual boundaries and consent; the benefits of male friendships; and the efficacy of outreach programs that open venues for discussion with boys. In graphic detail, Brown explains the types of physical and sexual abuse that boys suffer at the hands of peers, older men, and even women, which may be a surprise to some readers. The author’s research findings and excerpts from interviews clearly convey the message that boys need better education about relationships, dating, sex, consent, pornography, and other relevant matters. Change is possible, notes Brown, and her informative book is a vital addition to the conversation.

A groundbreaking sociological investigation.