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DIRTBALL

THE DIARIES OF A WORTHLESS SOMEBODY

A manifesto about the need to change, which may leave readers wishing it were as reflective as it is revealing.

Olsen dishes up lukewarm shock-and-awe stories in a memoir of self-discovery.

These loosely connected stories, told by a disillusioned software engineer whose outlook is informed by his outrageous past, begin with a resolution: Olsen is going to turn his life around. His career is stagnant; Anna, the object of his affection, consistently rebuffs his advances; and he’s choked by the fallout of numerous poor life choices. He chronicles an itinerant lifestyle, from San Diego to Milwaukee and back again, while digressing into sometimes lewd, sometimes unbelievable tales of youth steeped in enough liquor and hard drugs to give a contact-high. A grab bag of random episodes includes his being blackout drunk, a dysfunctional relationship with an unfaithful heroin addict, a fistfight with his mother’s abusive boyfriend and unfortunate liaisons with chat room strangers. Any of these could be jumping-off points for the changes Olsen claims to want to make, but instead of hinting at contemplativeness or regret, they come across mostly as boasts. At times, the details suffer from a lack of imagination; early on, a description of Anna reads, “Her long straight brown hair hanged around an adoring gorgeous smile; blissfully covering those blue piercing eyes of hers that could heat an entire ocean.” The parts that might be intriguing on their own—such as Olsen’s misadventures as a 21-year-old in Tijuana or a trip aboard the supposedly haunted Queen Mary—are offset by a passive voice (“An awkward laugh with a very short lifespan from him was then made”) and straining syntax. Though most stories are crass enough to be off-putting, there are moments of tenderness woven in. Olsen’s recollection of his grandfather’s death, and the impact it had on him, is refreshingly vulnerable, a welcome beacon of humanity by the late hour of its arrival.

A manifesto about the need to change, which may leave readers wishing it were as reflective as it is revealing.

Pub Date: Aug. 21, 2013

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Dog Ear Publisher

Review Posted Online: April 17, 2014

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DEVOLUTION

A tasty, if not always tasteful, tale of supernatural mayhem that fans of King and Crichton alike will enjoy.

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Are we not men? We are—well, ask Bigfoot, as Brooks does in this delightful yarn, following on his bestseller World War Z(2006).

A zombie apocalypse is one thing. A volcanic eruption is quite another, for, as the journalist who does a framing voice-over narration for Brooks’ latest puts it, when Mount Rainier popped its cork, “it was the psychological aspect, the hyperbole-fueled hysteria that had ended up killing the most people.” Maybe, but the sasquatches whom the volcano displaced contributed to the statistics, too, if only out of self-defense. Brooks places the epicenter of the Bigfoot war in a high-tech hideaway populated by the kind of people you might find in a Jurassic Park franchise: the schmo who doesn’t know how to do much of anything but tries anyway, the well-intentioned bleeding heart, the know-it-all intellectual who turns out to know the wrong things, the immigrant with a tough backstory and an instinct for survival. Indeed, the novel does double duty as a survival manual, packed full of good advice—for instance, try not to get wounded, for “injury turns you from a giver to a taker. Taking up our resources, our time to care for you.” Brooks presents a case for making room for Bigfoot in the world while peppering his narrative with timely social criticism about bad behavior on the human side of the conflict: The explosion of Rainier might have been better forecast had the president not slashed the budget of the U.S. Geological Survey, leading to “immediate suspension of the National Volcano Early Warning System,” and there’s always someone around looking to monetize the natural disaster and the sasquatch-y onslaught that follows. Brooks is a pro at building suspense even if it plays out in some rather spectacularly yucky episodes, one involving a short spear that takes its name from “the sucking sound of pulling it out of the dead man’s heart and lungs.” Grossness aside, it puts you right there on the scene.

A tasty, if not always tasteful, tale of supernatural mayhem that fans of King and Crichton alike will enjoy.

Pub Date: June 16, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-9848-2678-7

Page Count: 304

Publisher: Del Rey/Ballantine

Review Posted Online: Feb. 9, 2020

Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 1, 2020

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THE SILENT PATIENT

Amateurish, with a twist savvy readers will see coming from a mile away.

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A woman accused of shooting her husband six times in the face refuses to speak.

"Alicia Berenson was thirty-three years old when she killed her husband. They had been married for seven years. They were both artists—Alicia was a painter, and Gabriel was a well-known fashion photographer." Michaelides' debut is narrated in the voice of psychotherapist Theo Faber, who applies for a job at the institution where Alicia is incarcerated because he's fascinated with her case and believes he will be able to get her to talk. The narration of the increasingly unrealistic events that follow is interwoven with excerpts from Alicia's diary. Ah, yes, the old interwoven diary trick. When you read Alicia's diary you'll conclude the woman could well have been a novelist instead of a painter because it contains page after page of detailed dialogue, scenes, and conversations quite unlike those in any journal you've ever seen. " 'What's the matter?' 'I can't talk about it on the phone, I need to see you.' 'It's just—I'm not sure I can make it up to Cambridge at the minute.' 'I'll come to you. This afternoon. Okay?' Something in Paul's voice made me agree without thinking about it. He sounded desperate. 'Okay. Are you sure you can't tell me about it now?' 'I'll see you later.' Paul hung up." Wouldn't all this appear in a diary as "Paul wouldn't tell me what was wrong"? An even more improbable entry is the one that pins the tail on the killer. While much of the book is clumsy, contrived, and silly, it is while reading passages of the diary that one may actually find oneself laughing out loud.

Amateurish, with a twist savvy readers will see coming from a mile away.

Pub Date: Feb. 5, 2019

ISBN: 978-1-250-30169-7

Page Count: 304

Publisher: Celadon Books

Review Posted Online: Nov. 3, 2018

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2018

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