GETTING REAL ABOUT SEX ADDICTION

In their debut work of nonfiction, therapists Daniels and Farley write about the controversial subject of sex addiction and their treatment methods.

“We would like to think that we are in control of our minds and that we make important life decisions on the basis of conscious, rational thoughts,” write Daniels and Farley. “Neuroscience assures us that nothing could be further from the truth.” To guard against the tendency toward irresistible, irrational behavior, the authors employ the psychodynamic approach, in which “the selfhood of the therapist” is a prominent part of the process. In other words, the therapist is actively questioning, guiding, and heavily involved in the therapy/conversation (the authors repeatedly underscore this fraught element of the therapist’s personal involvement). The level of personal involvement on the therapist's part might not be as prevalent in more traditional approaches, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and in order to clarify their own approach, Daniels and Farley provide a series of “case illustrations” of various therapy sessions they’ve conducted with sex addicts and the women in their lives (the authors assert that female sex addicts are very rare). Through these case illustrations and discussions of all aspects of sex addiction, the authors present a broad picture of their subject, covering the complex roles that pornography plays in the personal dynamics involved, or the function of social stigma, or even the ways class differences can alter the picture (for example, they note that addicts who have “greater resources” often face fewer consequences).

Daniels and Farley write with appealing clarity and directness about the subject of sex addiction: “It’s not easy to engage in real discussion about sex, let alone deviant or supposedly objectionable sex. Other than death, sex is the most difficult subject, and it’s hardly made easier in the context of a mental or behavioral disorder.” They engagingly cover a wide range of the forms sex addiction can take, from traditional behaviors, like voyeurism or serial adultery to more modern concepts like “sexting,” and they ground everything with research (the book has extensive notes and a bibliography) and firsthand professional observation—an authoritative combination. Their resistance to easy answers on the issue is refreshing, and their narrative of sex addiction is remarkably understanding toward all involved. For instance, while the authors’ sympathy is primarily reserved for those whose lives are affected by sex addicts (who often systematically destroy the lives of their families and loved ones through their uncontrolled behavior), they reject any blanket vilification of the men causing these disruptions. And they resist the “progressive orthodoxy” in which “those who plaintively use the word misandry are cast as antifeminist.” Daniels and Farley continue this praiseworthy equilibrium throughout the book. Readers skeptical of psychodynamic therapy’s nonobjective nonclinical overtones probably won’t be converted by this book, particularly when it comes to something as potentially damaging as sex addiction. But the highly personal approach here, including all the case studies, may offer hope, and the scrupulously nonjudgmental tone will make this book not only invaluable but comforting to those dealing with this addiction.

A wide-ranging, compassionate consideration of treatment for sex addiction.