MOTHER OF MY MOTHER

A celebration of grandmothers as both safety net and symbol of the ties that connect woman to woman over generations. Edelman’s Motherless Daughters (1994), an exploration of the emotional consequences of losing a mother, was something of a surprise bestseller. Using much the same technique—combining research, interviews, and personal anecdotes’she now explores the ties that bind the triangle of daughter-mother-grandmother. Aside from her personal catharsis, the subject has value, she believes, because more and more children are being raised by their grandmothers or by single mothers and grandmothers together. The book is divided into four sections, exploring the relationship between granddaughter and grandmother, the three- generation triangle, the grandmother as center of the family, and as the keeper of the culture. Among the points explored: Part of the strong connection that can develop between granddaughter and grandmother reflects a suspension of judgment on both sides—children, especially before they are seven years old, accept their grandparents for who they are, bearers of gifts, always with time available, without the emotional charge that exists between mother and daughter. According to Edelman, women also often identify their maternal grandmothers as the “source of their female identities . . . many of their values, behaviors . . . desires and fears.” Four types of grandmothers are identified: the Gentle Giant, the Benevolent Manipulator, the Autocrat, and the Kinkeeper. Edelman had an eccentric maternal grandmother who in some ways combined all of those attributes. Her personal recollections of the fluctuating relationship, including her mother’s role in the triangle, are more illuminating and certainly more engaging than the sometimes thin interviews and research material. Still, a wake-up call that a mother’s mother may be more influential in forming who we are than many women suspect. (Author tour)