PURGATORY

When last we heard of the adventures of Lord Archer of Weston-super-Mare (A Prison Diary, 2003), our noble prisoner had completed three weeks of his four-year sentence for perjury, forgery, and obstruction of justice. He’s back. Of course.

Prisoner FF8282, author of many fanciful adventures (Sons of Fortune, 2003, etc.), has been transferred from maximum security HMP Belmarsh. Now he records nine weeks at medium security HMP Wayland before heading for an open prison in 2001. Still not pleased with standard accommodations, he arranges with fellow inmates for extra bedding, laundry service, and bottled water. He dines on toad-in-the-hole, beans on toast, Spam, Weetabix, and marmalade. His Lordship is busy in the pokey, attempting to fashion a flower pot, refereeing cricket matches, getting his cell redecorated, watching Jane Austen on the telly, and checking out all of Shakespeare’s plays. (“Tonight, King Lear. If only the Bard had experienced a few months in prison . . .”) A man of some sensibility, he engages with another convict, soon to return to his native Colombia, in a scheme to get a fine emerald and a fine painting by the celebrated Colombian Botero. (The plan carries the only hint of suspense, so we won’t reveal if it works.) There are sketches of friendly inmates, like “Dale (wounding with intent), Darren (marijuana only), Jimmy (Ecstasy courier), Steve (conspiracy to murder), and Jules (drug dealing)” and visits from friends and family. Other than his conventional take on the events of September 11th, this is not terribly different from his previous outing (if that’s the right word). Archer is, understandably, still unhappy with the prison system; he has ideas for reform. His text is still larded with cricketer jargon indecipherable this side of the Atlantic.

A toff in HM’s bridewell, it’s toad-in-the-hole once more. Plan an escape. (8-page photo insert)