BADASS GRIEF

Hassel recollects her unique journey to honor her husband’s life after his untimely death in this memoir.

In his mid-40s, the author’s husband, Dr. Mark Hassel, a successful and beloved dermatologist in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, was diagnosed with incurable stomach cancer. He fought the disease for 19 months before dying at age 47. Hassel was left to finish raising the couple’s three children on her own. She was rudderless, engulfed in paralyzing grief. Mark was the adventurous one in their relationship: “My husband was someone who exemplified the statement, ‘Live fully!’ He would embrace every opportunity to explore, travel, taste exotic foods, or try unfamiliar things.” Searching for a way to move forward and to honor Mark’s exuberance for life, a “way to demonstrate…not merely that I missed Mark but that knowing him inspired me to become a better person,” Hassel thought of the Yamaha Vino scooter the couple had purchased shortly after receiving Mark’s diagnosis. She enrolled in a motorcycle safety course, mastered the course with a perfect score, and received her license. That day, she determined her mission would be to find one challenge each year that would push her out of her comfort zone. Challenge by challenge, the author vividly and emotionally (and with a bit of humor) details her wide assortment of experiences, including a body-toning contest in Las Vegas, a 100-mile bicycle event around Lake Tahoe, and volunteering to aid the homeless. Then, she made a major life-changing pivot: Although she was already a licensed attorney, Hassel enrolled in nursing school, making use of the skills she’d developed as Mark’s primary caregiver. As the author herself admits, her choices, enabled by the privilege of economic security, will not likely be feasible for most readers. Still, she so viscerally portrays the emotional, physical, and psychological struggles she confronted in each endeavor that her memoir powerfully conveys the essence of her message: “Finding meaningful ways to remember a loved one and honor that person’s legacy could help anyone move forward and find a new purpose.”

A poignant, forthright, and encouraging shout-out to fellow travelers in grief.