BAD DREAMS

In this collection of essays, Noa recounts living with grief and body image disorder in Los Angeles.

In this anthology, the author collects intensely sincere and often self-deprecating short essays about her decades in Los Angeles and the moments in her life that led her there. Many of the pieces were originally written while Noa was living in Los Angeles, to be performed in live shows. The entries are loosely chronological and separated into five “stages.” The first stage, “Intentionally Left Blank,” is largely focused on the author’s childhood, highlighting Noa’s mother’s influence on her and her mental health. Stage Two, “Carcinojenny,” covers her time caring for her husband as he died of colon cancer and her subsequent grief. In Stage Three, “Body of Work,” Noa reflects on her struggles with depression, grief, and especially body image disorder. Stage Four, “Corpses of Hollywood,” looks at the entertainment industry and details Noa’s efforts to break into acting. Finally, Stage Five, “Consolation,” grapples with giving up on one’s dreams. While all of these overarching topics are heavy, Noa still manages to be funny throughout in her delivery. It is clear from reading the essays that writing them was cathartic for the author; though she doesn’t use that word, she does say early on, “This book exists because of all the things I wish I’d thought of sooner or had the courage to say in the moment.” (Noa’s struggle to speak up for herself is a theme throughout all five stages.) Occasionally, the self-deprecation becomes hard to bear, especially when Noa writes about her body image disorder or giving up. (Regarding the body positivity movement, she states, “I know you have to love every wrinkle and every curve, every pound. But how you get there is a mystery to me.”) These passages are so difficult to read because Noa succeeds so completely at endearing herself to the reader. Despite the heavy content, the narrative still ends on an uplifting note, with a change of scenery and a hint of a changed perspective.

A smart, amusing, and moving anthology of short writings about grief, depression, and giving up.