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THE FRIEND WHO GOT AWAY

TWENTY WOMEN TELL THE TRUE STORIES BEHIND THEIR BLOWUPS, BURNOUTS, AND SLOW FADES

A book to savor, despite its imperfections. But think twice before giving it to your best friend.

Offill (Last Things, 1999) and Schappell (Use Me, 2000) address the timeless topic of women’s friendships from an innovative vantage point.

In their mixed-bag but mostly captivating anthology, 20 women reflect on amities that have ended. They describe friendships of all sorts—sad, zany, co-dependent—finished off by various factors: a fight, a move, a lie, cheating, death, etc. Lesbian sex sinks some; others fall apart when one person suddenly makes a new friend. College friendships, unsurprisingly, occupy a lot of space. Emily Chenoweth describes her short, heady fling with freshman hall-mate Heather, and novelist Elizabeth Strout writes somewhat more banally about her eventual decision to drop a college pal. Nicole Keeter contributes a luminous essay about being the first black girl in a small town in Iowa and the friendship that developed between her and Gina, another African American who came to town a few years later. Vivian Gornick tells of her friend Emma, “with whom I was certain I would grow old”—a certainty that proved untrue. Kate Bernheimer’s affecting essay, although not exactly about a friend “who got away,” is one of the most satisfying pieces here. Her two best buddies easily got pregnant, while she suffered multiple miscarriages. Their three-way friendship didn’t end, exactly, but it certainly shifted and strained and fell into silence. Patricia Marx lightens the tenor of the collection with her hilarious satire “Tenure.” She strikes the single unusual note in a gathering that eventually feels repetitive. One wishes that more of the authors had moved from straightforward autobiography to reflection on the nature of friendship. The editors’ four-page foreword doesn’t provide this, and neither do many of the essays.

A book to savor, despite its imperfections. But think twice before giving it to your best friend.

Pub Date: May 17, 2005

ISBN: 0-385-51186-8

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Doubleday

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2005

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THINKING, FAST AND SLOW

Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our...

A psychologist and Nobel Prize winner summarizes and synthesizes the recent decades of research on intuition and systematic thinking.

The author of several scholarly texts, Kahneman (Emeritus Psychology and Public Affairs/Princeton Univ.) now offers general readers not just the findings of psychological research but also a better understanding of how research questions arise and how scholars systematically frame and answer them. He begins with the distinction between System 1 and System 2 mental operations, the former referring to quick, automatic thought, the latter to more effortful, overt thinking. We rely heavily, writes, on System 1, resorting to the higher-energy System 2 only when we need or want to. Kahneman continually refers to System 2 as “lazy”: We don’t want to think rigorously about something. The author then explores the nuances of our two-system minds, showing how they perform in various situations. Psychological experiments have repeatedly revealed that our intuitions are generally wrong, that our assessments are based on biases and that our System 1 hates doubt and despises ambiguity. Kahneman largely avoids jargon; when he does use some (“heuristics,” for example), he argues that such terms really ought to join our everyday vocabulary. He reviews many fundamental concepts in psychology and statistics (regression to the mean, the narrative fallacy, the optimistic bias), showing how they relate to his overall concerns about how we think and why we make the decisions that we do. Some of the later chapters (dealing with risk-taking and statistics and probabilities) are denser than others (some readers may resent such demands on System 2!), but the passages that deal with the economic and political implications of the research are gripping.

Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our minds.

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011

ISBN: 978-0-374-27563-1

Page Count: 512

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Review Posted Online: Sept. 3, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2011

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THE CULTURE MAP

BREAKING THROUGH THE INVISIBLE BOUNDARIES OF GLOBAL BUSINESS

These are not hard and fast rules, but Meyer delivers important reading for those engaged in international business.

A helpful guide to working effectively with people from other cultures.

“The sad truth is that the vast majority of managers who conduct business internationally have little understanding about how culture is impacting their work,” writes Meyer, a professor at INSEAD, an international business school. Yet they face a wider array of work styles than ever before in dealing with clients, suppliers and colleagues from around the world. When is it best to speak or stay quiet? What is the role of the leader in the room? When working with foreign business people, failing to take cultural differences into account can lead to frustration, misunderstanding or worse. Based on research and her experiences teaching cross-cultural behaviors to executive students, the author examines a handful of key areas. Among others, they include communicating (Anglo-Saxons are explicit; Asians communicate implicitly, requiring listeners to read between the lines), developing a sense of trust (Brazilians do it over long lunches), and decision-making (Germans rely on consensus, Americans on one decider). In each area, the author provides a “culture map scale” that positions behaviors in more than 20 countries along a continuum, allowing readers to anticipate the preferences of individuals from a particular country: Do they like direct or indirect negative feedback? Are they rigid or flexible regarding deadlines? Do they favor verbal or written commitments? And so on. Meyer discusses managers who have faced perplexing situations, such as knowledgeable team members who fail to speak up in meetings or Indians who offer a puzzling half-shake, half-nod of the head. Cultural differences—not personality quirks—are the motivating factors behind many behavioral styles. Depending on our cultures, we understand the world in a particular way, find certain arguments persuasive or lacking merit, and consider some ways of making decisions or measuring time natural and others quite strange.

These are not hard and fast rules, but Meyer delivers important reading for those engaged in international business.

Pub Date: May 27, 2014

ISBN: 978-1-61039-250-1

Page Count: 288

Publisher: PublicAffairs

Review Posted Online: April 15, 2014

Kirkus Reviews Issue: May 1, 2014

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