LOCAL

An editor at NBC News recounts her childhood in Honolulu and young adulthood in Los Angeles.

After her parents’ divorce, Machado, whose background includes Kanaka Maoli, Portuguese, and White Southern Baptist, felt disconnected from her aloof mother and lived in constant conflict with her fiery father during the few moments when he was around. While she was a teenager, she writes, his parenting method “was not one of steady guidance but of pointed instruction and interrogation.” The family’s lack of togetherness violated the Hawaiian concept of ‘ohana, or caring for the family and community. “Instead of feeling one with the land,” writes the author, “we often felt like islands unto ourselves.” After college, the author moved to LA, where she lived with a roommate from Hawaii. Taking on restaurant work to stay afloat, she was arrested for a DUI and mandated to attend AA meetings and alcohol education classes. The author also writes that she endured sexual assault by a friend and former roommate. During these years, Machado’s mother, who already suffered from a host of health problems, was diagnosed with cancer. Eventually, the author’s mother and stepfather moved to California, and Machado participated in her care until her death. Throughout, Machado makes sense of her story through Indigenous Hawaiian folktales and the island’s anti-colonial history. It’s clear the author conducted extensive research about these topics. The second half of the text is the strongest, gorgeously portraying the complexity of Machado’s spiral into despair. However, the protagonist’s slow unraveling is never fully resolved. The author doesn’t delve deep into many of the struggles she faced, leaving readers to wonder what exactly happened and how she overcame the obstacles. This lack of cohesion renders the book’s ending unsatisfying and its initial pages difficult to interpret. Overall, though, Machado’s rich descriptions and frank voice make the book worth reading.

A vulnerable but unfocused memoir about loneliness, loss, and finding a cultural identity.