THE END IS THE BEGINNING

A daughter bears witness to her mother’s pain.

Memoirist, poet, and novelist Bialosky unfurls her mother’s life from the time of her death, in 2020, to her birth in 1933, creating an affecting family history of loss and grief. Iris Bialosky was living in a skilled nursing home residence when she died, suffering from dementia. Because she had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety throughout her life, it took years to finally identify her final affliction. For the author and her sisters, the diagnosis was not surprising. “In one way or another,” she reflected at the time, “it feels as if we sisters have tried to hold our mother together for most of our lives.” Their father died of a heart attack at the age of 30, when the girls were barely toddlers, leaving Iris a single parent, overwhelmed with responsibility for her children and consumed with grief. As the author grew up, she was well aware that her home life was far different from that of her friends. Her mother “never asks to see my grades. She doesn’t iron or wash my clothes. She rarely has food in the fridge. I am afraid to ask her for anything. All of us are.” Iris’ husband’s death was not the only cause of her recurring depression, the “dark tentacles” that invaded her. Iris’ mother had died when she was 9, leaving her father in constant mourning and her longing for her mother’s love. As a young widow, Iris hoped to remarry; her short-lived joy from a second marriage—and a fourth daughter—ended in a bitter divorce and, later, that daughter’s death by suicide. Unspooling the events of her mother’s life, Bialosky reveals, has helped her to understand both the parent who at times seemed so remote and her own place in her family’s fraught history.

A sensitive chronicle of sadness.