THE STORIES WE TELL

The home-improvement TV star shares her story.

Co-founder of the construction and home-renovation company Magnolia and co-host of Fixer Upper, Gaines writes that she was motivated to write a memoir out of “a yearning for healing, for clarity, for steadiness.” At 44, feeling as if “the crescendo” of her life had passed, she felt a need to think about her identity and reassess her goals—a project she recommends to her readers, as well. “Getting your story down,” she advises, “needn’t be in pursuit of happiness but rather wholeness.” Her narrative is light on anecdotes; instead, the author imparts lessons and epiphanies that she gleaned from examining her experiences. “Fear, vulnerability, intentionality, perfectionism” are recurring themes. Half Korean, as a child, Gaines was mocked by kids “who made fun of the slant of my eyes,” inciting feelings of insecurity and shame that dogged her for much of her life. Through writing, she confronted that trauma and recognized how it led to self-limiting behavior, such as micromanaging. Motherhood features prominently in her story. Gaines had four children in five years, a period she recalls as “all a bit of a blur.” Pregnant again eight years later, she was able to spend more time mothering; her son’s rapt attentiveness to the world taught her something valuable: “I’ve let perfectionism win scenarios and busyness steal seconds of true joy. I’ve kept my head down when I should have looked up.” Perhaps that busyness is one of the “myriad” causes of the guilt she admits to carrying. She urges readers to pay attention “to the moments you’ve kept close,” to listen to their own story, and to be open to “a way of living that grows toward change rather than against it.” As she writes near the beginning, “our story may crack us open, but it also pieces us back together.”

An earnest testament to the healing power of writing.