IN IT TOGETHER

A guide offers strategies for coping with a depressed relative or friend.

For over 20 years, Notte, a blogger, has dealt with her own depression. Her previous book, The Monster Under the Bed (2020), addressed how depression affects relationships. Writing it led to this work, which expands the focus to include “everyone who cares about anyone with depression.” The author’s effort, both noble and necessary, is written from the perspective of a person who struggles with depression. Notte also conducted extensive research under the supervision of a psychotherapist, and she enhances the volume with excerpted quotes from participants who have depression. Nonscientific and consumer-friendly, the content provides real insights into life with depression, the behaviors associated with it, and how best to assist someone with the condition. She begins by exposing some of the myths about depression and mental illness in general, suggesting that individuals with an ailment may conceal it “out of fear” because of society’s preconceived notions. Particularly revealing are some of the obstacles that may impede delivering aid to a person who is depressed. Notte’s explanation of “why you don’t need to understand and how you can still effectively support someone” is especially insightful and helpful. Much of her advice is simple yet powerful; for example, “People who are struggling want to know that they aren’t alone”; “Remember they are not causing the situation—depression is”; and “Be OK with people being not OK.” The author does an admirable job of weaving in her own often gut-wrenching experiences with those of the individuals she interviewed. Offering the voices of people of different ages, genders, races, and backgrounds helps clarify the key point that depression is universal and can affect anyone. The book’s final chapter, “The Cheat Sheet,” is likely to be extremely valuable; here, Notte presents specific tips on “what not to say—and what to say instead,” “things not to do (and things to do instead),” “active ways to support someone with depression,” and “things to remember when you don’t understand.” This useful chapter even includes specific ideas for texts and voice messages to send to a depressed person.

Candid, compassionate, engaging, and wise advice on dealing with depression.