I'M NOT DEAD...YET

Psychologist Caraballo offers a memoir of his cancer battle and struggles with addiction.

The author writes that he grew up in a family of conservative Puerto Rican Jehovah’s Witnesses in New York City, in which he felt bound by the old-fashioned values of his religion. He was frequently ill as a child (“I’m pretty sure I could have given just about any ailing Victorian child a run for their money,” he writes); one year, he contracted whooping cough. After his family moved to Florida when he was a teenager, he found himself struggling with his same-sex desires. In 1995, he decided to attend college to study animation art in a place “where people came together and lived as themselves”: New York City. Armed with a fake ID, he entered the city’s world of nightlife and casual sex, dreaming of love but not finding it. He dulled a nagging pain in his chest with drugs and alcohol, until it became so unbearable he finally sought help. Doctors found a football-sized tumor, and he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma; he returned to his parents’ home and underwent two years of brutal treatment. Afterward, he worked to rebuild his life, and he earned a master’s degree in film production; however, the trauma of the cancer-treatment experience led to more substance abuse and a stint in jail. His remarkable recovery didn’t dampen his desire for career success, and he eventually began work on a doctorate in business psychology. Caraballo’s memoir offers a lot more than a familiar coming-of-age tale; some of the recollections here are shocking, including his account of 16 months in prison. They’re the kinds of stories that can only be told well by someone who’s lived through them, as his awe-inspiring tale of his cancer battle shows. He writes his story with notable passion and a strong sense of forward momentum. At times, the author leans too hard into a philosophical tone, but overall, his story is both absorbing and entertaining.

A candid and often harrowing remembrance of one man’s search for love and acceptance.