THE GIRL IN THE RED BOOTS

In this work of nonfiction, clinical psychologist Rabinor examines troubled relationships between mothers and daughters.

When the author was 8, her mother, Peggy Lipschutz Ruskay Neidenberg, told her she was taking her to a birthday party and dropped off at the hospital for a tonsillectomy. Rabinor woke up terrified in a hospital room, longing for comfort. This sets the stage for Rabinor’s relationship with Peggy—one built on deception. Years later, three weeks after the funeral of the author’s father, Peggy said not only did she have a boyfriend, but they’d been having an affair for the past eight years. She now felt free to openly pursue the relationship; after all, she said: “All marriages get boring.” Reflecting on her decadeslong career as a psychologist treating patients with eating disorders, Rabinor describes the experiences of mothers and daughters she has treated in her practice. In tidy prose, she writes about how their healing processes have mirrored her own: “Even though therapy can be life changing, real breakthroughs occur only occasionally, generally after many months, if not years, of therapeutic work.” This is an introspective work that is part memoir and part self-help guide for readers struggling with their own maternal relationships. For example, she writes about Marcy, a patient who suffered from an eating disorder, in part from being dragged to diet doctors during her childhood. When Rabinor unpacked this with both Marcy and her mother, it was revealed that the mother was only “following doctor’s orders,” much like Rabinor’s own mother did when she dropped her off for a tonsillectomy. The events unfold nonchronologically, which can grow confusing at times. Still, this is a fascinating examination of how daughters make peace with their moms. An appendix is included.

A contemplative, cleareyed study of family dynamics.