EVERYONE BUT MYSELF

A librarian and mother describes her recovery from anxiety and depression.

After Chavez, a librarian at an elementary school, and her children received routine allergy shots, she found herself a few hours later in a hospital room, reeling from an anaphylactic reaction to the injection. This marked the beginning of a period of intense anxiety that escalated to the point that, while her husband was traveling, she experienced a panic attack that made it impossibly frightening to turn off the lights before bed. “In the moment it’s happening, a panic attack can convince you of nearly anything,” she writes. “That night, I believed there was a very real possibility I would die.” The author’s sense of being overwhelmed led her to seek medical attention, but she initially got nothing but runarounds and unhelpful advice like, “You need to quit your job.” She finally visited the physician’s assistant in her primary care doctor’s office, who prescribed an antidepressant that had helped her in high school, and she started seeing a therapist. In therapy, she realized, “I’ve neglected myself, but it’s been convenient for everyone else, so no one has thought to stop me.” Unfortunately, just as she began to make progress in setting boundaries and intensifying self-care, her husband’s sister passed away, and doctors botched her father’s heart surgery. These traumatic events required an incredible amount of emotional energy that put her coping strategies to the test. Chavez’s frank, conversational voice infuses the text with a welcome layer of humor and intimacy. Despite referencing structural reasons for women’s—and especially mothers’—mental health issues, the author focuses mostly on her specific experiences. For example, she leaves out details about her identity that might have affected her treatment in the medical systems that she critiques only in passing.

Engaging and compassionate, but Chavez could have gone deeper in her analysis.