With warmth and understanding, Anderson offers a new approach to healing for those who wish to break the cycle of abuse.
Anderson conducts a highly personal exploration of generational trauma and healing, particularly between mothers and daughters.
The author looks into the frequent feelings of shame from which children of abusive parents often suffer. As Psychology Today blogger Eric Maisel writes in his forward, “Shame is one of the primary results of tyrannical parents harming their children. The shamed child of one generation becomes the shaming parent of the next generation." After identifying the problem and assuring readers that they can end the traumatic cycle, Anderson presents her poetry. Almost stream-of-consciousness in style, each poetry section is divided by age (0-5, 5-10, 10-15, 15-20, and 21+) and offers glimpses into Anderson’s own horrific instances of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Her frequent reference to “disappearing” describes a disassociation that permeates her adolescence and adulthood. The turning point comes when she meets her husband and finally begins learning that she deserves unconditional love (a process that the author admits is still ongoing). Anderson discusses the various sources and symptoms of trauma, using her own experiences as well as outside research to support her opinions. She provides plenty of practical exercises for readers to try on their own, such as thinking of a time when they felt “alive and energized, in the zone, or authentically you in all your you-ness.” These exercises are used to achieve what Anderson calls “unshaming,” a process of becoming your “favorite” (not necessarily your “best” or “most productive”) self. The book wraps up with a concluding section of poems entitled “Connection Recovery” to demonstrate the healing that is possible even after a lifetime of abuse.
The author’s compassionate approach to such a sensitive topic helps guide readers through what is an emotionally wrenching book. Her depictions of abuse, while not overly graphic, are still painful to read—which makes them all the more necessary to air out in the open (she also specifically provides a trigger warning before she tells a personal story of animal torture that she witnessed as a child). With a unique blend of past memories and present struggles, conveyed in a mix of poetry and prose, this text, the author freely acknowledges, is not a clinical or scholarly look at the topic of female generational trauma. Instead, this book is for those who wish to be guided by someone who has experienced what they have experienced—someone to walk them through what has worked for her. A large part of what works for Anderson is recognizing the difficulties and ordeals that her own mother and grandmother went through. The traumas they experienced perpetuated the feelings of shame that they then handed down to the author—the exact same process that has occurred with so many women over countless generations: “The shame was so pervasive we couldn’t see it…it’s the water we have been swimming in for…ever. And it wasn’t ours.” Anderson’s honesty and dedication to plumbing the depths of her own life provide advice and guidance for anyone who finds themselves in similar circumstances. While the subject matter itself may be heavy, the author’s empathy and kindness (both to her readers and herself) make this an important companion for those looking to escape from generational trauma.
With warmth and understanding, Anderson offers a new approach to healing for those who wish to break the cycle of abuse.Pub Date: June 13, 2023
ISBN: 978-1684812660
Page Count: 196
Publisher: Mango
Review Posted Online: Sept. 5, 2023
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our...
A psychologist and Nobel Prize winner summarizes and synthesizes the recent decades of research on intuition and systematic thinking.
The author of several scholarly texts, Kahneman (Emeritus Psychology and Public Affairs/Princeton Univ.) now offers general readers not just the findings of psychological research but also a better understanding of how research questions arise and how scholars systematically frame and answer them. He begins with the distinction between System 1 and System 2 mental operations, the former referring to quick, automatic thought, the latter to more effortful, overt thinking. We rely heavily, writes, on System 1, resorting to the higher-energy System 2 only when we need or want to. Kahneman continually refers to System 2 as “lazy”: We don’t want to think rigorously about something. The author then explores the nuances of our two-system minds, showing how they perform in various situations. Psychological experiments have repeatedly revealed that our intuitions are generally wrong, that our assessments are based on biases and that our System 1 hates doubt and despises ambiguity. Kahneman largely avoids jargon; when he does use some (“heuristics,” for example), he argues that such terms really ought to join our everyday vocabulary. He reviews many fundamental concepts in psychology and statistics (regression to the mean, the narrative fallacy, the optimistic bias), showing how they relate to his overall concerns about how we think and why we make the decisions that we do. Some of the later chapters (dealing with risk-taking and statistics and probabilities) are denser than others (some readers may resent such demands on System 2!), but the passages that deal with the economic and political implications of the research are gripping.
Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our minds.Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011
ISBN: 978-0-374-27563-1
Page Count: 512
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Review Posted Online: Sept. 3, 2011
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2011
BOOK REVIEW
IN THE NEWS
The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.
The former iCarly star reflects on her difficult childhood.
In her debut memoir, titled after her 2020 one-woman show, singer and actor McCurdy (b. 1992) reveals the raw details of what she describes as years of emotional abuse at the hands of her demanding, emotionally unstable stage mom, Debra. Born in Los Angeles, the author, along with three older brothers, grew up in a home controlled by her mother. When McCurdy was 3, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Though she initially survived, the disease’s recurrence would ultimately take her life when the author was 21. McCurdy candidly reconstructs those in-between years, showing how “my mom emotionally, mentally, and physically abused me in ways that will forever impact me.” Insistent on molding her only daughter into “Mommy’s little actress,” Debra shuffled her to auditions beginning at age 6. As she matured and starting booking acting gigs, McCurdy remained “desperate to impress Mom,” while Debra became increasingly obsessive about her daughter’s physical appearance. She tinted her daughter’s eyelashes, whitened her teeth, enforced a tightly monitored regimen of “calorie restriction,” and performed regular genital exams on her as a teenager. Eventually, the author grew understandably resentful and tried to distance herself from her mother. As a young celebrity, however, McCurdy became vulnerable to eating disorders, alcohol addiction, self-loathing, and unstable relationships. Throughout the book, she honestly portrays Debra’s cruel perfectionist personality and abusive behavior patterns, showing a woman who could get enraged by everything from crooked eyeliner to spilled milk. At the same time, McCurdy exhibits compassion for her deeply flawed mother. Late in the book, she shares a crushing secret her father revealed to her as an adult. While McCurdy didn’t emerge from her childhood unscathed, she’s managed to spin her harrowing experience into a sold-out stage act and achieve a form of catharsis that puts her mind, body, and acting career at peace.
The heartbreaking story of an emotionally battered child delivered with captivating candor and grace.Pub Date: Aug. 9, 2022
ISBN: 978-1-982185-82-4
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: May 30, 2022
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 2022
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
SEEN & HEARD
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