BAIT

A babe and a bodyguard.

Maddie Fitzgerald fears for her life . . . and so does the FBI agent assigned to investigate a series of murders-for-hire way down south. After two more victims are found with close-range bullet holes in their heads, Sam McCabe thinks Maddie might be next. The tough-talking fed has a great idea: How about they move in with her and wait for the killers to strike? But Maddie would rather not be bait, and handsome Sam and his oafish, fast-food-gulping sidekick make her nervous. You see, she has a secret. But, first, there’s a subplot involving a surly Pekingese named Zelda, the spoiled star of a pet food ad campaign: Zelda also loves fast food! A mysterious bad guy pops up now and then as these cartoon characters do their stuff, and Maddie discovers that Sam is really very attractive (“His thigh between her legs was a revelation, a pleasure-giving machine of awesome proportions”). When not whiling away the hours in amorous dalliance, Sam figures out that mob goons went on a killing spree to protect their lucrative garbage-collection enterprises. Then tearful Maddie reveals that her dad was slaughtered in cold blood, and that she’s really someone else. Will Sam still love her? Why not? On with the plot. Bang, bang!

Lightweight suspense and trashy fun from the ever-popular Robards (Ghost Moon, 2000, etc.).