WHISPERS AT MIDNIGHT

Silly suspense from Robards (To Trust a Stranger, 2001, etc).

Carly Linton never expected the first thing she’d see when she moved back to her hometown was her ex-boyfriend’s butt. And it’s a wonderful sight. Even though Matt Converse, former bad boy, is now sheriff, he obviously doesn’t spend much time wolfing down crullers and coffee. But Carly hasn’t had much use for men since she divorced her cheating husband. Instead, she and friend Sandra plan to open a B&B right here in the spooky old house her granny left her. But first Matt has to explain why he was on hands and knees in the crawl space under her porch, and why the house is in such bad shape. He hems and haws. Could be teenage vandals who tipped over the rolltop desk. Or could be a murderer lurking out there in the woods. A woman has disappeared, but Matt doesn’t know whether she’s dead or what. Being the kind of hero usually found in much less expensive categories of romance, he plans to protect Carly and her much more sensible friend Sandra, who’s already thinking about moving back to Chicago. Carly is supermiffed but soon ready for a romp with Matt, whose years of experience have turned him into a masterful lover—and, after getting laid six ways from Sunday, she calms down a little, though the plot gets crazier. Hey, who tied up Sandra in the bathtub? The same guy who keeps skulking around the woods out back and making Carly scream? Every time she screams, Matt comes to the rescue waving his gun and his erect organ, in that order. Carly feels better soon! But disturbing memories surface: Did DingDong the Donkeyman really chloroform and rape the girls at the orphanage where her drunken mother dumped her? Is he the one who’s after her?

Plenty of sex, cutesy bickering, absurd villain. For the fans.