IN SEARCH OF A SALVE

A professor locked into a cycle of sex addiction tries to locate the root of her condition in this frank memoir by Garland.

Growing up in an underprivileged neighborhood on the West Side of Chicago, the author learned to masturbate at the age of 9. The discovery came by chance while playing “daddy and mama” with a girl from her block. From that moment onward, Garland used sex as a method of “self-soothing.” During puberty, she faced the horror of her father trying to force his tongue into her mouth. By the 8th grade, Garland lost her virginity in a “lackluster” encounter behind some bleachers. She then faced a series of traumatic occurrences: the death of her mother, an abortion, and being told that she was adopted; all while she was still at school. The author excelled academically, going on to become a professor and gain a doctorate degree. But as a wife and mother, she continued to have affairs and seek out casual sex. This initiated a period of “self-therapy” in which Garland began to reevaluate her relationships with others and search for self-understanding. The narrative confidently faces sex addiction head-on: The author is unafraid to share details of encounters that resulted from her condition, such as going out on the street to flash strangers while her husband lay drunkenly asleep (“He dug into the front of his stained jogging pants and told me to turn around, to pull my shorts down…He reached back into his jogging pants and masturbated. Satisfied, I returned to Grandma Betty’s apartment”). As the memoir progresses, Garland eloquently unpacks the causes of her addiction: “Only I understood what I’d hidden. I recounted the most prevalent issues: my mother’s death and my father’s abandonment.” The result is a sharply written, unflinching memoir that looks into the very heart of addiction and finds hope for change.

A bold, empowering confessional by a fearlessly expressive and talented writer.