BRINGING UP KIDS WITHOUT TEARING THEM DOWN

The author of Growing Up Firstborn (1989) and other easy- listening psychology books presents yet another parenting guide aimed at the Ann Landers set. Introducing the idea of ``self-image insurance'' (techniques assuring the development of self-esteem), Leman focuses on the ABCs of self-worth—acceptance and affirmation, belonging, and competence—and again emphasizes Reality Discipline, that combination of love and limit-setting familiar from his earlier work and from the writing of Rudolf Dreikurs (Children, 1964, etc.). A host of CBN's Parent Talk Radio, Leman recognizes problems generated by the parenting extremes of authoritarianism and permissiveness and by the more common conflicts (over homework, housework, allowance) in families, but he never loses sight of the essential task of parenting: encouraging a positive self-image. Don't take behavior personally, he counsels; even bad behavior has a purpose. Love unconditionally, allow flexibility and room for failure, and remember that the tail doesn't wag the dog. Much of this has been said as well before, by Leman and others, and there's little to distinguish this book from half a dozen others. But it's full of warm, memorable phrases, useful tips for different age groups, and everyday examples to reassure parents that most problems can be resolved by following a few basic principles.