SUCKS TO BE ME

Another toothless vampire novel. Mina’s vampire parents (they turned right after her birth) have been busted by the Northwest Regional Vampire Council. Now 16-year-old Mina must attend teen vampire classes and decide (immediately) if she, too, wants to “turn.” Plot flaws like why the Council would want permanently adolescent vampires, who would presumably be harder to place via the VRA (Vampire Relocation Agency), are par for the course in this fluffy, “fact”-filled read (sunlight doesn’t kill; vampires never sleep). There are three guys to deal with—handsome would-be vampire Aubrey, sweet George, also considering turning, and longtime crush Nathan, whom readers will soon realize crushes Mina’s BFF, Serena—and prom to prepare for. Mina’s inconsistencies grate (she’s a girly-girl with no fashion sense; she’s smart enough to get upset at the sexism in Dracula but too dumb to see the obvious even as she narrates it) and the ending is telegraphed a mile away. Still, vampire stories always have readers, and this is pure wish fulfillment—a vampire romance with no biting. (Fantasy. 12-16)