A SKY OF INFINITE BLUE

A Japanese immigrant recalls her troubled past, her relocation to America, and the loss of her husband in this debut memoir.

O’Connor’s childhood in Japan was punctuated by emotional trauma. She recounts that during this time, her parents made a point of demonstrating that they did not like her. She was often given gifts that were “lesser” than those presented to her sister. This was due to Japanese customs that favor the elder child and to “toxic” family dynamics. The author in turn developed emotional “armor” that shielded her but became a burdensome weight in her later life. A complicated relationship with her father saw her enroll in dental school when she actually dreamed of being a journalist. Desperately unfulfilled by her professional and romantic life, O’Connor came close to choosing suicide. The memoir tells of her bold decision to move to America to work as a researcher at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland. There, she met her future husband, Patrick, a fellow researcher. The couple devoted themselves to Buddhism and relocated to San Diego. Patrick’s untimely death after being diagnosed with cancer led the author to face her grief and revaluate her past suffering. O’Connor is an author that writes with clarity and precision and can deftly pinpoint situations and emotions: “In Japan, I’d felt as dry as the desert. Now, I felt like a sponge. I wanted to absorb everything.” The author’s approach can be laconic at times but succeeds in delivering an accessibly plain explanation of how Buddhism shed light on her dilemmas: “When I reflected a situation with no emotions, only fairness and clarity, I could see the answer.” Some readers may struggle with O’Connor’s short, concise sentences and paragraphs and mistake her approach as coolly understated. But the author is capable of vivid descriptions: Papa’s “voice became a weapon—sharp and impactful, as if he wanted to cut me.” Furthermore, the memoir’s prologue, which describes Patrick’s final moments, is powerfully stirring, communicating the deepest intimacies of loss: “He’d been my home. He’d been my savior.” O’Connor’s book offers a profound reflection on facing adversity and will be of particular interest to practicing Buddhists or those interested in the religion’s principles.

An engaging and poignant immigrant account with sharp, sincere, and tenderly insightful writing.