HIJAB BUTCH BLUES

A queer Muslim writer and organizer chronicles a life navigating between religion and culture.

Lamya H faced discrimination throughout childhood and adolescence for being an immigrant in a “rich Arab country.” She felt invisible—even evil—just like the spirits called jinn. At 14, she wanted to disappear—not just because she felt different, but also because she understood the possible ramifications of her burgeoning sexuality. “Gay is a hush-hush thing, not to be talked about seriously, only to be used as an insult,” she writes. The Quranic story of Maryam, who “doesn’t like men,” gave the author courage, but when she began wearing hijab to honor Maryam, non–hijab-wearing girls dismissed her. As a Muslim college student in the U.S., Lamya faced constant scrutiny and discovered that Black and other immigrant friends endured similar mistreatment. “I notice that people who are white or appear to be white are on top of the pyramid here,” she writes, “just like they were in the country where my parents and brother still live, that sometimes this category of ‘appears to be white’ includes wealthy, worldly, light-skinned Arabs.” Professional life in New York brought the author into contact with a group of mostly straight Muslim feminists who helped her refine a nonbinary vision of God but could not offer her a truly inclusive space. Remembering Muhammad’s mission to build a “community of believers,” Lamya forged a circle of queer and nonbinary social justice activists, found life mentors among a group of LGBTQ+ Muslims, and unexpectedly fell in love with a White woman. Their relationship helped Lamya understand the importance of focusing on “curious, kind dialogue and to support those I love—instead of fighting to fend off racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, [and] Islamophobes.” As the author examines her evolving relationship to her religion, she also vibrantly explores what it means to live with an open-minded, open-hearted activist seeking to change the world for the better.

A hopeful and uplifting memoir.