DEATH OF A BACHELORETTE

There’s trouble in paradise for a freelance writer working on a reality television show.

Anyplace that’s just half an hour by air from Tahiti sounds like a perfect spot for optimal work/life balance. So when Jaine Austen (Murder Has Nine Lives, 2016, etc.) gets an invitation to write dialogue for Some Day My Prince Will Come, shot on location on Paratito Island, she tells producer Manny Kaminsky yes, yes, yes, provided she can bring her cat, Prozac, along for the ride. It’s not until she arrives on the set of the Bachelorette knockoff that she discovers not all tropical Utopias are created equal. While cheapskate Manny lives in a climate-controlled mansion and dines on filet mignon, he stashes his staff in the attic (sorry—no AC) and feeds them outdated airline meals he’s bought in bulk. The field of contestants is down to three—redheaded Brianna, perky blonde Hope, and bitchy brunette Dallas—and the competition is so fierce that they’re stealing each others’ hair extensions, all for a prize who’s no prize. Dimwitted Spencer Dalworth VII, not even a prince but a mere earl, can’t remember any line longer than “Brilliant!” Jaine’s ready to hitchhike back to LA when a murder literally drops out of the sky. The Paratito Island police force puts both of its officers on the case, but at the rate they’re moving, their homeland will be submerged by global warming before they solve it. That leaves Jaine, who has to divide her time between dodging 60-something King Konga of Paratito, who’s bent on making her his 12th wife, and cracking the case so everyone can leave.

The cast and crew of a reality show are perfect foils for sharp-tongued Jaine, who outwits everyone on the set, except possibly her cat.