MY GUN HAS BULLETS

Rewarded with his own television cop show for ``forgetting'' that Esther Radcliffe—beloved, hateful star of TV's popular Miss Agatha series—is the woman who shot him when he pulled her over for speeding to a Neiman-Marcus sale, toothless former Sgt. Charlie Willis is still savoring the absurdity of acting the supercop whose tag line (``My gun has bullets'') reduces his enemies to powder, when his latest TV shootout leaves the bad guy dead as last year's sitcoms. Charlie resolves to track down the killer, not knowing the networks are awash in killers. There's Eddie Planet, who's signed a Faustian bargain with mobster Daddy Crofoot to get his Frankencop series on the air. There's Delbert Skaggs, Daddy's handpicked executive producer on Frankencop, who takes a uniquely direct approach to eliminating the competition. There's overendowed Frankencop star Flint Westwood, who'd love to switch from blackmailing Esther Radcliffe to blackmailing her new co-star, sweet, bosomy Sabrina Bishop. And let's not forget Esther herself, who makes no bones about her drop-dead plans for Charlie. Throw in a canine star with a taste for human flesh, a pair of murderous stuntmen who've lost the ability to feel pain, and a studio president who's having his chest hair transplanted to his head, and you have... ...either the giddiest debut of the year, or the most plausible explanation for prime-time network programming yet.