FIRST LOVE

A New York–based essayist and memoirist reflects on the female friendships that have shaped her life.

When Dancyger, the author of Negative Space, was 22, her cousin, Sabina, was murdered. The crime shattered the author, partly because she considered her friendship with Sabina her first experience of love. Although culturally, we often associate first loves with romance, Dancyger’s memories of Sabina piqued her interest in a different kind of love: “What about the first childhood experience of love, the first person you truly love other than your parents? Does a first sisterly love set the bar for a lifetime of friendships?” The author reflects on a lifetime of female friendships, including the one with her high school best friend, Haley, whom she felt compelled to protect; her adult friendship with a woman named Liz that survived their rambunctious early 20s; her close relationship with a former roommate named Leah, who helped Dancyger through a terrible bout of grief; and her intensely loving relationship with Sabina, which flows so deeply that the author found herself unable to write a book about the girl’s untimely death. At the end of this book, the author writes, “When I finally sat down to write about Sabina, the story that came out was not about murder at all. It was a love story.” Dancyger’s ode to female friendship is affectionate, frank, circumspective, and passionate. Despite the traumatic nature of many of the memories she recalls, the author manages to infuse each page with an undercurrent of quiet, grateful joy. While the collection sometimes lacks cohesion—most notably in a chapter that focuses on a collaborative photography project that feels disconnected from the rest of the narrative—overall, this is a well-written and -paced read.

A tenderly insightful essay collection celebrating female platonic love.