BIGFOOT!

Out of the Maine woods stomps cryptozoologist Coleman, a hunter of undocumented animals who has been tracking the spoor of Sasquatch for four decades.

“The classic Bigfoot is a real animal living in the montane forests of the Pacific Rim,” asserts the author. From Bluff Creek, California, to Fouke, Arkansas, from the Everglades to Lake Louise, the skittish, neck-challenged critters may vary somewhat according to local habitat but they are typically, in Coleman’s description, twice as big as Sylvester Stallone, grungier than Ted Kaczynski, and louder than Gilbert Gottfried, howling and crying “eeek-eeek-eeek and sooka-sooka-sooka.” (They’re stinky too.) The hairy fellows have been around distressing the dogs for some time, claims the author. He notes the feral phantom’s history in relation to Native American culture, Neanderthals, and the Jolly Green Giant. Coleman dismisses the notion that hoaxers making wooden footprint impressions are responsible and considers but discounts the possibility of a UFO nexus. Though the hirsute troglodyte seems to have been spotted more frequently than post-mortem Elvis, actual physical evidence is not easily obtained. One putative carcass, now lost, was exhibited at state fairs, stock shows, and shopping malls along with antique tractors. Remains in the wild haven’t been recovered, but, hey, when was the last time you found the bones of a bear in the woods? Some hair and droppings have turned up, but DNA analysis has so far been useless. There is certainly some convincing film of a female—and that is absolutely not a zipper under her fur. Coleman discusses Hollywood’s treatment of Bigfoot, notes the animal’s sex habits, reviews many classic sightings, and cites many “experts” who seem to have published primarily in journals like Argosy and True magazine.

Plausible being or just a pop culture fantasy? The author believes Bigfoot is truly out there, but skeptics won’t be convinced by this pastiche. (Illustrations)