RATED X

The memoir of a former TV star who found freedom, success, and herself in the pornography industry.

Known for her roles on The Bold and the Beautiful and Boy Meets World, Ward looks back at her life growing up in Los Angeles, becoming an actor, finding some success in TV, and her current work in pornography. Throughout the narrative, the author is clear and engaging in her frank discussions of sex and womanhood. “The turn of the millennium was a hard time for young actresses,” she writes. “We were expected to exude sexuality and erotic appeal, but also to remain a virgin until we were married….Women’s desire or sexuality became solely focused on what a man on the other side got out of it, whether it be a spouse, or a father, or just a guy in the audience.” While her parents stressed the importance of being nice, which was well intentioned, “I was left with the idea that being nice was my value. That’s a dangerous thing to instill in a young girl.” Ward walks readers through her burgeoning sexuality and maturation process in the entertainment industry, showing how she learned some of the predetermined roles that she would play on mainstream TV before she began to look for a new path and found it in cosplay and, later, adult films. The author is generous and insightful in her reflections on finding a larger sense of self as well as finding true friends in an often superficial industry. “Anyone who tries to shame you for living in truth and happiness isn’t looking out for you,” she writes. “That’s a fact that takes too many of us, especially women, far too long to learn.” Regarding her work in porn, Ward expresses herself with effortless honesty and humor about the support and creativity she found in an industry where the creators “are all too often forgotten about as being human and deserving of anyone’s real help.”

For open-minded readers, an exceptional narrative that champions the discovery of freedom in sexuality.