Blazing a trail into the emotional life of people who are growing old, the author hacks away at much of the debris’stereotypes, indifference, and fear—that separates younger generations from their elders, but doesn’t always escape the grip of sentimentality. As doctors, economists, and sociologists struggle to plan for a doubling of the population aged over 65 years (due in a little more than a generation), bestselling psychologist Pipher (who tackled families with The Shelter of Each Other, 1996, and adolescent girls with the Reviving Ophelia, 1994) leads a personal expedition into the land of the aging. Addressing the sandwich generation now dealing with both growing children and aging parents, Pipher warns, “Our solutions to the dilemmas of caring for our elders will be applied to our own lives . . . the more we love and respect our elders, the more we teach our children to love and respect us.” She deplores the segregation of the old in retirement communities or nursing homes as widening the already yawning gap between what she calls the self-reflective post-psychology generation and their community-oriented parents. (It should be noted that this is a shaky dichotomy; the parents of younger boomers came of age post-Freud, among nuclear, not extended, families.) Close relationships and frequent contact among all generations—toddlers, adolescents, parents, grandparents, even great-grandparents—will enrich everyone’s lives and reduce the stress that comes from residues of guilt and anger, Pipher preaches. Although other researchers would disagree, she suggests thinking of the more vulnerable elderly “as victims of chronic Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder . . . ordinary healthy people for whom all hell has broken loose.” Interviews, case histories, and personal anecdotes deepen the author’s exploration of aging. Don’t put the elderly on social ice floes is the plea here, accompanied by compassionate, if not always solidly grounded, insights into growing old that will benefit the elderly and their children alike. (First Serial to Time; Book-of-the-Month Club featured alternate; author tour)
Pub Date: March 15, 1999
ISBN: 1-57322-129-5
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Riverhead
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 1999
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.
An analysis of our emotions and the skills required to understand them.
We all have emotions, but how many of us have the vocabulary to accurately describe our experiences or to understand how our emotions affect the way we act? In this guide to help readers with their emotions, Brackett, the founding director of Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence, presents a five-step method he calls R.U.L.E.R.: We need to recognize our emotions, understand what has caused them, be able to label them with precise terms and descriptions, know how to safely and effectively express them, and be able to regulate them in productive ways. The author walks readers through each step and provides an intriguing tool to use to help identify a specific emotion. Brackett introduces a four-square grid called a Mood Meter, which allows one to define where an emotion falls based on pleasantness and energy. He also uses four colors for each quadrant: yellow for high pleasantness and high energy, red for low pleasantness and high energy, green for high pleasantness and low energy, and blue for low pleasantness and low energy. The idea is to identify where an emotion lies in this grid in order to put the R.U.L.E.R. method to good use. The author’s research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers. It’s particularly useful for parents and teachers who want to help children learn to handle difficult emotions so that they can thrive rather than be overwhelmed by them. The author’s system will also find use in the workplace. “Emotions are the most powerful force inside the workplace—as they are in every human endeavor,” writes Brackett. “They influence everything from leadership effectiveness to building and maintaining complex relationships, from innovation to customer relations.”
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.Pub Date: Sept. 3, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-250-21284-9
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Celadon Books
Review Posted Online: June 22, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2019
A vivid sequel that strains credulity.
Fremont (After Long Silence, 1999) continues—and alters—her story of how memories of the Holocaust affected her family.
At the age of 44, the author learned that her father had disowned her, declaring her “predeceased”—or dead in his eyes—in his will. It was his final insult: Her parents had stopped speaking to her after she’d published After Long Silence, which exposed them as Jewish Holocaust survivors who had posed as Catholics in Europe and America in order to hide multilayered secrets. Here, Fremont delves further into her tortured family dynamics and shows how the rift developed. One thread centers on her life after her harrowing childhood: her education at Wellesley and Boston University, the loss of her virginity to a college boyfriend before accepting her lesbianism, her stint with the Peace Corps in Lesotho, and her decades of work as a lawyer in Boston. Another strand involves her fraught relationship with her sister, Lara, and how their difficulties relate to their father, a doctor embittered after years in the Siberian gulag; and their mother, deeply enmeshed with her own sister, Zosia, who had married an Italian count and stayed in Rome to raise a child. Fremont tells these stories with novelistic flair, ending with a surprising theory about why her parents hid their Judaism. Yet she often appears insensitive to the serious problems she says Lara once faced, including suicidal depression. “The whole point of suicide, I thought, was to succeed at it,” she writes. “My sister’s completion rate was pathetic.” Key facts also differ from those in her earlier work. After Long Silence says, for example, that the author grew up “in a small city in the Midwest” while she writes here that she grew up in “upstate New York,” changes Fremont says she made for “consistency” in the new book but that muddy its narrative waters. The discrepancies may not bother readers seeking psychological insights rather than factual accuracy, but others will wonder if this book should have been labeled a fictionalized autobiography rather than a memoir.
A vivid sequel that strains credulity.Pub Date: Feb. 11, 2020
ISBN: 978-1-982113-60-5
Page Count: 352
Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: Oct. 20, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2019
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