THE GROOM WILL KEEP HIS NAME

The multifaceted memoir of a 20-something gay Filipino American male’s conflicted relationship with affluent white America.

Catapult managing editor Ortile combines traditional anecdote with quasi-academic cultural critique and an investigation of sexual and racial identity politics. The author’s family immigrated to America when he was 12, and he was taught from a young age that his Asian identity had to be played down to access all the trappings of white American society. At least on a superficial level, this approach got results. Ortile studied hard (lots of Barthes) and was admitted to the Vassar College, a school he romanticizes—but also criticizes—for its reputation as a bastion of white privilege and a direct pipeline to a prestigious career in the liberal arts. At the same time, he constantly wondered if he had lost his real self and his Filipino identity by playing such an assimilationist role. Regarding sexual identity, he has always been more sure of himself, as evidenced by his recounting of his sexual escapades in New York City as a young, exoticized Filipino man. “I inhabit a fetishized body,” he writes, “one marked as other, even by men who desire it.” While working as a magazine intern, he was also constantly trawling for wealthy men on Grindr. Ortile’s fascination with Barthes leads him on extended musings about not only Western marriage myths, but also the fallacy of American masculinity as expressed through men’s underwear ads. Looking back on his experiences, he writes, “I took up the role of a Filipino Carrie Bradshaw who read Barthes and trolled Grindr.” This is revelatory stuff, of course, for a self-analytical youngster still learning the ropes in the big city. More affecting, however, are Ortile’s partially successful attempts to come to terms with his own “Filipinoness” and finally reconcile his Asian identity with the nascent American in him.

An intellectually ambitious, politically engaged, ideologically sensitive memoir.