YOU DON'T HAVE TO QUIT

Documentary filmmaker Palmer, with addiction therapist Pond, presents a practical guide for helping loved ones drink less, informed by scientific research and firsthand experience.

Most addicts are familiar with 12-step programs, which offer a set of actions and principles meant to pave the way to recovery. For example, Alcoholics Anonymous encourages members to list people who’ve been negatively affected by their drinking and to seek amends. Meanwhile, the loved ones of addicts, in their own support groups, are often told to “withdraw with love” to counteract what’s often described as “codependent” or “enabling” behavior—two words that Palmer condemns as “blithely tossed about” in the world of addiction and recovery. She outlines what she characterizes as a tender approach, using 20 “practical, science-backed strategies that operationalize kindness, compassion, and empathy to help your loved one drink less.” Palmer wrote the book with her partner, Pond, an addiction therapist whose personal struggle with conventional recovery programs inspired this alternative approach. For instance, instead of working toward a goal of flat-out quitting, Palmer explores the benefits of harm reduction; instead of encouraging withdrawing with love, she makes a case for establishing firm boundaries, which, she says, allows addicts to take responsibility for their recovery. Supported by research from institutions such as Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, this plainspoken self-help guide offers a balance of personal and clinical reflection: “I can’t possibly teach you things that good therapists take years to learn,” Palmer writes, “but I can tell you about simple tools and techniques that can make your interactions with your loved one much less combative and much more effective.” Indeed, although the authors would agree that no one set of guidelines suits everyone, this book’s ethos may inspire readers to seek out more personalized methods of support.

A worthwhile book for readers looking for alternative ways to help those struggling with addiction.