THE STAFF OF GOD

Globetrotting metaphysical caper involving a search for the titular item–wooden, ancient and supposedly very handy for parting seas–by a madcap crew of academics, murderous screwball fundamentalists, clueless cops, at least one certifiable type and a beautiful musical genius.

Dalton Pierce, the fuddy-duddy protagonist of Nicholson’s shaggy-dog story, is a middle-aged English professor whose life is so boring that his gorgeous girlfriend summarily dumps him in the first chapter. Dalton thinks he has it rough until a gang of mysterious, machine gun-wielding terrorists shoot up his house. But that’s hardly the worst of his travails. Over the course of this bizarre, intricately plotted tale, our hapless hero is subjected to kidnapping, death threats and bureaucratic ineptitude; the cryptic mutterings of his star pupil, Caleb, a 12-year-old wunderkind; the incontinence and bathos of his fat, frumpy grad assistant, Harold; trips to locales including Baltimore, South America and the Holy Land; an uneasy alliance with his long-estranged brother Nigel; and a slew of increasingly absurd clues and coincidences, epiphanies and pop-psyche exegeses. These spur him along in pursuit of the magical Staff–the existence of which he sincerely doubts–which he and his ragtag crew must find before the Messianic, unpleasantly named gent Namir Felch does. Overwrought and seriously silly, the book recalls the more surreal quest novels of Robert Rankin, though with fewer daft puns, teddy bears and giddy, meta-critical in-jokes. To the novel’s detriment, Nicholson’s characters seldom rise above their basic stock shtick. Naturally, there’s a happy ending to this mash-up of Indiana Jones and Dan Brown, along with a suitably ambiguous epilogue. But, ultimately, is The Staff of God a desperately earnest inspirational novel of faith and redemption in which good triumphs over evil? Or an astute, very funny parody of such worthy tomes? The last laugh, intentional or otherwise, is one Nicholson graciously shares with the reader.

Entertaining but confusing.