THE HEARTBREAK YEARS

The daughter of “a Black veteran and a Filipino immigrant” reflects on her romantic history.

Growing up, Honey was obsessed with romance novels. “I fantasized about living in that serene, happily-ever-after moment when the girl and the guy in the movie have found their way back to each other,” she writes. Though the author experienced sexual assault as a teenager, she remained obsessed with finding true love. As she grew older, this need grew increasingly practical: Referring to marriage’s financial and logistical benefits, she writes, “a relationship is the cheat code to make everything else easier.” Unfortunately, she adds, “a relationship was the thing that I and most Black women knew were missing from our lives despite our many successes.” As though to confirm Honey’s fears, over the years, she weathered a series of unsuccessful romances with partners ranging from her high school boyfriend, to a man who with whom she pursued casual sex, to a man who wooed her into an emotionally intense, confusingly nonsexual relationship. By the end of the book, Honey muses, “it’s been more than a decade since my last long-term relationship….Maybe my romantic relationships are so short because, in my experience, it’s been much easier to be happy without a man than it has been to be happy with a man.” The author’s candid self-reflection illustrates the depth of her transformation, and her conflicted and at times contradictory desires add a welcome layer of complexity to an already nuanced narrative. At times, Honey seems to shy away from her most vulnerable moments. For example, she glosses over her potential alcoholism and her mother’s apparent illness, both of which leave gaps in her story. Overall, though, Honey’s witty, frank storytelling makes this book compulsively readable.

The insightful story of a Black-identified biracial woman’s search for love.