MOM RAGE

A systemic analysis of why female-identified parents often feel “mom rage.”

Dubin begins by recalling how the publication of her essay on parenting-related anger in the New York Times changed her life. Her choice to “say the unsayable” spurred an unexpected barrage of responses from mothers who had also experienced exactly what she described. As a result of these messages, she writes, “I felt my own shame unhook. I began to move into a place of questioning.” Dubin then began conducting extensive research, which uncovered the many reasons why mothers—a term that applies to “my fellow queers and my nonbinary and trans readers”—have every right to their mom rage, “an anger so hot it is blinding.” Dubin begins with the American cultural idea that “motherhood is the best job a woman can have,” and she points out that mothers must often sacrifice their health and identities to properly raise their children. She continues by critiquing a host of failures in American policy, including the lack of mandatory paternity leave, affordable child care, and preschool as well as the wage system that raises fathers’ salaries while lowering those of mothers. She ends with a series of ways loved ones can support overworked, emotionally taxed mothers and recommendations for systemic change. At its best, this book is a cleareyed analysis of the intricate web of cultural and political challenges that make female-identified parenting nearly impossible. Occasionally, Dubin loses sight of this argument, focusing instead on individual responses that locate the problem in the parents rather than the systems that oppress them. Overall, though, the author writes with humor, vulnerability, and a level of expertise that shape her narrative into a nuanced and convincing argument for justice.

A trenchant analysis of the ways in which society renders modern motherhood emotionally impossible.